How to fix Olympic golf

Golf is likely the most pointless sport in the Olympics.

They added it to the Rio Games in 2016 for the first time as a sort of PR exhibition to attract the eye of affluent people in countries that don't play golf but do follow the Olympics, such as Brazil, Russia, and, well, I can’t think of all that many other countries.

But men's golf as an individual sport is already well-served by its four annual major championships: e.g., this year's U.S. Open paid out $21.5 million in prize money to the top 74 finishers, while the Olympics hands out three shiny medals.

And golf has had the Ryder Cup to provide international team competition (the USA vs. Europe) for over a century.

In contrast, while the NBA is the big leagues of basketball, the Olympics serve a prestigious role as the ultimate championship for national teams. If the U.S. were not quite so dominant, the Olympic basketball championship would be a really big deal. 

The one competition golf is lacking is a Mixed Twosomes competition for male-female teams. In contrast, Mixed Doubles has been part of Wimbledon since 1913. Mixed Twosome golf tournaments (often husband-wife teams) are pretty commonly offered by country clubs, but they are rare at the professional level.

Similarly, the Olympics in 2021 added a 4 x 400 meter mixed relay to track and field, which was won by Poland. Relays are fun races for spectators, so adding a fifth makes for a more entertaining track meet.

And there are mixed team events in shooting. For example, a middle aged Turkish John Wick named Yusuf Dikec just won a silver medal in the 10 meter air pistol mixed team event without all the usual technical folderol of modern shooters and his free hand in his pocket:

Many will criticize the proliferation of Olympic events, but I find the huge number of medals now available counteracts the other modern tendency toward extreme training. I think it’s a good thing that in 2024 there’s an Olympic event in which a silver medalist looks like his main preparations were having his hair stylist silver his tips and then, just before competing, washing his glasses with extreme prejudice.

Golf is unlike tennis, track, and shooting in that its male and female stars almost never get together. While tennis major championships hold both men's and women's competitions simultaneously on the same set of courts, in golf the men's and women's tours only come together at present at the Grant Thornton Invitational during the December silly season.

So that leaves an opening for the Olympics to become the traditional top Mixed Twosomes tournament in golf. I'd mandate that each twosome must represent just one country to add nationalism to the interest.

One question is whether to set it up so the two men in each foursome are mostly playing against each other and the two women against each other. For example, you could mandate the women tee off on the odd numbered holes (with the men then hitting the second shots on the odd numbered holes) and the men tee off on the even numbered holes. This would look more elegant than having a man bomb his drive 75 yards past a woman.

Or you could have the woman tee off from 75 yards in front of the man. But that also looks awkward.

When mixed relays got started in international track competitions, Poland would try off-kilter strategies like having its two men go out first, build a giant lead, and then having its two women try to hang on for dear life. Videos of a black American man blasting past a blond Polish woman in the final lap led to sarcastic comments on the Internet. In contrast, in the 2021 Olympic final, all eight teams went man-woman-woman-man, which looked fine, but was lacking in strategy.

On the other hand, there's more opportunity for strategy in golf, so why not let teams decide which half of the holes the woman will tee off on?

For example, the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics will host its golf tournaments at Riviera Country Club, home to the famous (theoretically) drivable downhill par-4 tenth hole:

Here’s a diagram of where teeshots ended up in the first round of this year’s PGA tournament:

The famous downhill tenth hole is a (theoretically) drivable par 4 of only 315 yards. But the tiny green slopes away from the tee, making the green almost impossible to hold. I saw the L.A. Open there in 1974, back when players normally couldn't drive the green into the prevailing breeze off the Pacific. But that day there was a 30+ mph Santa Ana wind howling out of the desert toward the sea, so even with 1974 technology, many players went for the green that Sunday. Indeed, Tom Weiskopf blasted a towering drive 50 yards over the green. But in 90 minutes of watching, I saw only one player hold the green off the tee. 

Nowadays, with modern tech, most pros try to drive the green. But in the hole diagram above showing where tee shots wound up during the first round last February of whatever the L.A. Open is called these days, only two tee shots ended up on the green, with many drives rolling over and off left and/or long.

Long-hitting Justin Thomas (red circle) still usually lays up well short in the left side of the fairway and then pitches up exploiting the long green's length, the way architect George C. Thomas planned 95 years ago.

So it would be interesting to see teams decide whether to use their man to tee off on the 10th and go for the green, or use their woman to lay up, which would then let their man blast a tee shot on the par 5 11th hole.

What else could they do with golf in the Olympics that isn't done elsewhere?

A long driving contest would be in the Olympic spirit of ancient events like the discus and javelin.

What about genuine stadium golf? At present, the biggest temporary stadium is the seating for about 20,000 around the 16th hole at the Waste Management Phoenix Open:

The 2032 Summer Games are going to Brisbane, Australia. Australian Rules football stadiums are huge, with fields of up to 200 yards by 170 yards. You might be able to build a six hole par 3 golf course within an Australian Rules stadium (3 laps equal 18 holes). 

The idea of 100,000 drunken Australian golf fans cheering on the world's best golfers at the Melbourne Cricket Ground sounds okay to me.

I also like the idea of a gambler's golf tournament in which the world's top 30 bet on themselves, with the four highest bidders going to the semifinals, with automatic double or nothing finals.