Team Does Not Exist
A science philosophy dialogue
You: So, which team do you think will win the NBA Championship?
Him: Team does not exist.
You: Huh?
Him: Team is just a social construct.
You: I’m going with Oklahoma City. I mean, 68-14, you can’t beat that record.
Him: There’s more variation in talent within teams than between teams.
You: You mean like the Lakers have both LeBron James and his kid Bronny James? Yeah, that is crazy. Still, I guess, LeBron wants to be a good dad, so I can’t get too much on his case. Even so, Bronny seems like a nice kid, so I wish he was at Gonzaga U. learning his craft for four years. … Is that what you are talking about?
Him: As Richard Lewontin proved in 1972, talent only accounts for 15% of the difference in who wins NBA games.
You: Yeah, but still … I guess you’re saying you’ve got your money on Cleveland. Gutty team. Or maybe Indiana? Real overachievers. Or are you thinking Denver can win again like they did in 2023? That’s asking a lot of Jokic. His supporting cast is a lot worse than then, and the poor man can only jump about a foot off the ground.
Him: As Stephen Jay Gould proved in 1981, height was fraudulently measured by 19th Century scientists.
You: But, you know, Wemby sure looks like a legitimate 7’4,” or 7’3” at the least. But what’s with that blood clot thing? Is it the vax?
Him: Team is not a biologically rigid category.
You: You said it, brother. But the Lakers always seem to come up with some superstar, like Elgin, Jerry, Wilt, Kareem, Magic, James, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron, and now Luka. It’s got to be rigged, right?
Him: Team is more clinal than categorical.
You: I used to live in Hartford, Connecticut and it was hard to figure out whether to root for the Boston Celtics or the New York Knicks. But the Celtics were usually better, so I mostly rooted for them.
Him: Team is just temporally arbitrary. Teams could have all different players next year.
You: Yeah, I thought Doncic would play for Dallas for the next decade, but, then all of sudden he’s on the Lakers!
Him: Team is just a geographic construct. Players don’t play for teams where they grew up.
You: They used to do that. Wilt Chamberlain went to Overbrook HS in Philadelphia, so the Philadelphia Warriors got the right to draft him. But then they moved to the Bay Area. Then Wilt got traded back to the expansion Philadelphia 76ers. Finally, he got traded to the Los Angeles Lakers, which was his spiritual home all along. (Except for when he moved to Hawaii.) But then everybody got bored with that and went with totally random drafting. I mean, the team with the best chance to get Cooper Flagg from Maine in the NBA draft lottery is Utah. What were we talking about anyway?
Very well done, indeed.
Lol. Probably need one more exchange in which ‘him’ says something like “OK, fine team does exist. But with the right drills, redistribution of player salaries, and limiting which athletes can participate we can produce a league with perfectly balanced win-loss records, which is right and just”.
This is basically how every conversation with someone on the left who begrudgingly admits to biological cognitive differences has gone. And when I point out their solutions have been repeatedly tried with no real effect, the response is “but it might work if we try again.”
It reminds me of a scene in Arrested Development when Lindsay and Tobias (former analyst/therapist, which he has on his business card as ‘analrapist’) are discussing how troubled couples sometimes propose an open marriage as a solution. Lindsay asks does it ever work, and Tobias say never, people just delude themselves it will and then pauses and says “but it might work for us.”